i cant even handle the word stroganoff
are you not stroganoff to handle it
can we take a moment to realize that Frodo got caught by the five Nazgüls at the watchtower because Merry & Pippin wanted BACON
To be fair…bacon.
MY MOM JUST ASKED ME WHAT I WANT MY CAKE TO BE FOR MY SPIDER-MAN THEMED BIRTHDAY PARTY AND I TOLD HER I WANT IT TO BE IN THE SHAPE OF ANDREW GARFIELD’S BUTT AND SHE WAS LIKE “SEND ME SOME PHOTOS I’LL SEE WHAT I CAN DO” OH MY GOD
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ME
'Scuse me, but may I have a piece of that ass?Do you know how many times I made that joke at my party
if you’re cute & you wink at me i will jump on you like a gazelle pouncing on his prey in the wild
Gazelles are herbivores.
you tryna tell me u never been excited bout a salad
it smells like there are cookies baking in my house
but i am home alone
and its 10 at night
Adulthood doesn’t mean you stop drinking juice pouches and eating fruit snacks. It means buying your own.
and mixing them with vodka
At 3 in the morning while marathoning your favorite show because nobody can tell you to go to bed.
And then regretting your decisions the next morning.
Because you have to work.
and make more money to buy fruit snacks and juice pouches.